Evil is as evil does

What the hell does that mean?

I discovered evil late in my life.  Evil happened to other people or, it was a distant concept, both historical or geographical.  I counted myself lucky to be far away from evil.   I used to believe in the inherent goodness of man, and that things like genocides or wars or murders were isolated incidents of atoms gone bad.

After meeting the boys, I now believe in "the banality of evil."  Now I am wallowing in it,  I know that evil breathes alongside of me in every hour of the day.  It is a dormant cancer that lies in wait in everyone's body, evil is waiting to erupt given the chance.

I used to trust people and now, I will keep my counsel, keep to myself.

I want to get out, away from it.  Europe, pastry, handbags, beaches.  Meditation, yoga, poetry, flowers.  Prosseco, candles, dawn.  But now that I have observed evil this close, there seems to be no exit.  I smell evil all around me.  Evil is pervasive.  The ability of people to be evil astounds me, makes me breathless.  Makes me quiver.

Why are we so fascinated by evil?  And yes, we are.  We love movies filled with evil -- evil characters, evil happenings.  We sit in the comfort of our own lives and watch others misbehave on the movie, tv and computer screens, in books and in newspapers.   And we love it.  We read books about evil characters and doings.  We can not believe it.  Could someone really be so evil?  And then we read some more.

How do people turn evil?  Are they born evil?  Do they become evil?  Is it a turning of event or simple body chemistry that makes neurons clash in chaotic ways, removing all reason, compassion, intelligence and mashing them up to form evil.

Originally, I thought this story was about the boys' scamming Eva, stealing her inheritance.  But yesterday I found out, something worse happened to Eva.  She had been living with evil all her life and she never knew it.  Discovering that you have lived for 28 years with a sociopathic husband, who you never really knew, who lied and scammed, who was a sexual addict, a liar in all things, a man without feelings.  I can't believe Eva isn't just a puddle on the floor.

I found out it was the meeting of two evils that created a new, fresh evil, visited upon the innocent suspect Eva.  It didn't happen to me, but just realizing it gives me the existential shakes. Eva's husband Bob meeting The Boys was a sprinkle encrusted bomb meeting a wrapped candy.  A huge explosion of scammer scamming scammers.

Lesson learned:  if something doesn't feel right, believe it.  If something doesn't feel right, step away.

Every day now my phone rings and it is Eva for her hour of ranting.  I settle down as she starts screaming into the phone, vomiting her hatred her fury her confusion her fear her powerlessness.  Over the two men who ruined her life.

I don't say a word.  She doesn't want me to say a word.  When she first started calling, I tried to say things, to offer explanations, solace, solutions and then I learned she doesn't want my words.  She just needs to vomit.

Yes, evil breathes alongside of me.