No gifts please

The assholes made a big deal of "no gifts" please, and "we don't give gifts at Christmas," and "Christmas is for children."

Of course now its clear.  They had no money to spend on gifts.   Any money they did get their hands on was for sustaining themselves.  They wanted no stuff, because they had to move quickly and lightly once their scam was over.  Remember, it was them and the dogs in their stolen Mercedes, plus a few pairs of bermuda shorts and Costco Hawaiian shirts.

But me being me, and loving Christmas, and loving surprises of even the most humble sort, bought them three tiny, precious, thoughtful gifts.  Monogramed linen handkerchiefs.  How luxurious was that -- linen handkerchiefs, hand monogramed by local nuns.  I carefully supervised the initials of their last names:  M for Dud, M for Tommy and E for Uncle Ron.

They were dismayed when I handed my little wrapped packages around the table.  They opened them and were speechless with...blank looks.  Most people are thrilled for a personalized, thoughtful gift of luxurious proportions, no matter how inexpensive.  But they were curiously cold, turning over these gems.

It was as if I had received a handkerchief monogramed with an S.  I now understand it was because those weren't their initials because those weren't their last names.  So yes, meaningless.